Say It, Don’t Feel It
Initially, I wanted to be very private about the fact that Soraya is in hospice...
...Until I realized that LIVING with a child that is DYING while also having other children who are trying to continue their routines meant we’d have to share that information.
In order to help shield Yasmeen and Leena from having to share the story over and over again, I’ve taken it upon myself to communicate what’s happening with Soraya with every teacher/coach/etc they have. There are days when the girls are incredibly sad or anxious, and I’d love for their teachers/coaches not to ask anything of them and just give them space with an understanding about why they’re feeling that way.
There is NO easy way to share that your daughter is dying, so I have to get into a “Say It, Don’t Feel It” mindset.
I try to be very matter of fact. I introduce myself and then, within one breath, say:
“Hi, I’m Yasmeen/Leena’s mom, and I just want you to know that we have a lot going on right now. We have a daughter that is in hospice and she’s declining. She used to walk, talk more, and breathe on her own, and now she’s not doing that anymore. We don’t have a diagnosis or a treatment. So, if my child is having a hard day, please give them space and know that it likely has to do with what’s going on at home.”
I try not to give too much time after I get the words out, as then there’s that awkward stare – I just try to say it fast enough to keep them in shock.
I realize it’s strange to go from telling someone your name to telling them your child is dying within the same sentence. However, I haven’t come up with a better way to navigate this aside from maybe burying my head and pretending none of this is happening??
If I felt every word I said every time I shared what was happening... I wouldn’t have the energy to do anything else.
Have you ever had to share hard news? What’s your method to get through to not break down? I’d love to know what works for you.