The Night Before My Mastectomy: All the Feels
It’s the night before my surgery and I’m terrified. I feel like I have a HUGE exam tomorrow and need to cram! I have been looking at post-mastectomy images to help prepare, finally getting out all the recovery gear some of you graciously recommended – the pillows, the bras, the everything.
Over the past week, I have had all the feels. Leaving work was harder than I thought. My colleagues and patients surrounded me with love. This is the first year in my practice that I have shared so much publicly and faced my fear of just being me, aka a mother with a child in hospice and a previvor. Thank you to all the patients who wrote me a note, sent a gift, or just acknowledged that they see me, ALL of me, and still trust me to care for their babies.
The toughest part of this all for me is not being able to help in the household, losing control over what’s happening, and relying on others to help me—all to help me have control in preventing breast cancer in the future. I find it interesting how many other parents/caregivers I talked to who also haven’t taken time off unless they had an illness or injury that forced them to.
I hope to keep you updated with the surgery, as sharing may help someone else prepare! Tonight I will be doing a hibiclens all over, neck to hip, front and back. This is to help prevent post-operative wound infections.
As I continue to prepare tonight, I hope to have time to pack, make a playlist of music to keep me calm pre-op, and then have some downtime as I know life will change tomorrow.
Questions for parents/caregivers: Have you ever wished for a “reason” to take time off of caregiving, like an illness or injury?