Outsourcing Normalcy & Learning to Ask for Help
Making individual time with Yasmeen and Leena has been a continued area of growth AND pain for Safi and me.
Growth from realizing this time is a necessity, not a luxury. The girls NEED time to step away from the heaviness of our home, whether that be to process, forget reality for a bit, or just get a chance to do something they want to do without Soraya’s medical/physical limitations that would occur if we tried to do it as a family... and pain from the reality that we need to provide so much intention and planning to give them it.
About a year ago, we started doing rotating weekly individual dates with the girls. Before Soraya was in hospice, we did overnights with each child every few months. Finding overnight sitters was hard to do regularly, so we let Y and Leena each pick a weekend away this summer. Leena picked to go to my college roommate’s (Anna) home in Chicago last month, and this weekend Y and I went to a wedding in Wisconsin!
Leena asked if we could drop her off in Chicago on our way so she could stay with Anna again. It was beautiful that she was able to verbalize her needs, yet so very painful to realize that she CRAVES normalcy SO much she’s willing to step away from our entire family to just be with kids.
WOW. It hit me. I’ve been outsourcing child care for work, meals, rides, etc – now I need to outsource normalcy?! This idea that I cannot provide something my child desperately needs is earth-shattering.
On top of that, it’s SO hard for me to ask for help (especially when it’s Anna’s birthday weekend!). But when you want something so bad for your children, you will do anything. So I stepped out of my comfort zone and asked. I’m so grateful for incredible friends like Anna, who effortlessly said yes.
I’m still working through all these feelings. In the end, all that matters is meeting Leena’s needs – if not WITH me, than in a safe, loving, comfortable home. It’s the first time she’s been away from us and how brave of her to do this to get the experience of just playing with kids?
I am learning from my children and learning to ask for help. I am so grateful for the support.