Our Own Island

Safi and I often describe our feeling of anticipatory grief and knowing that Soraya has a shortened life as if we are on an island with just the five of us.

On this island, you can see the tornado coming – many times it feels like you can see numerous tornadoes. You know that they will come and destroy you, but you don’t know how fast that will happen or how far away or close they truly are.

In the book “Every Day, Forever” was the FIRST time I saw this feeling—that same feeling—in print! Molly Mattocks describes her daughter’s incurable cancer diagnosis as a piano waiting to crush her. 💔

I kept reading and came to another excerpt that I could feel and so relate to…

I feel as if I’ve spent the last 11 years grieving the life that I thought that I would have and grieving the child that I thought Soraya would be. However, slowly I have been shifting, and realizing that the meaning and the purpose of my life is truly in the learning of being her mother.

I am terrified of what there is for me to learn when she dies. I am not done learning from her while she’s physically here 😢