Holiday Joy…and Grief

The duality of navigating joy alongside grief is more prominent during the holidays.

It is truly a love/hate relationship where the season brings up traditions, memories... and when those memories of Soraya are such a contrast to where she is now, it’s gut wrenching. When the traditions can’t be done due to illness or loss of ability, it’s another punch to the gut.

These days, holidays seem like another task I can’t keep up with. The decorations, the shopping, the energy to be in festive spirit – it’s all EXHAUSTING. I sometimes dream of not having any holidays or birthdays, as it takes every ounce of my being just to make it through a “regular” day.

Last weekend, as we were forcing ourselves to put up the tree at the request of Soraya as she was on her ventilator, I found myself catching the girls’ eyes as the lights went around the tree. It was like, for a moment, timed stopped and the girls were all in awe. Soraya asked to be off her vent and wobbled with assistance to be next to her sisters. They all hugged and smiled.

This moment was beautiful and allowed me to see holidays as a way to pause from the tornado of life to just be in magic.

No matter what your holiday season looks like, I hope you find those glimmers of being in magic, too. ❤️🎄