An Exceptionally Hard Palliative Care Appointment
Last week we had a palliative care appointment for Soraya that was exceptionally hard. She hadn’t seen the doctor since November, right before our trip to Hawaii.
Soraya verbalized all the changes she’s been experiencing. She described her frustration, sadness, and fear – all with a small audience of family members. We all wanted to be a part of it and to support her.
Soraya’s main question was whether her declining physical strength is a reflection that her “due date” (death) is near.
The doctor calmly explained that in the past she could will herself to power through to do things that she wanted to do before. Now, her body is much weaker and no matter how much she mentally wants to power through, her body will not let her. He said this does not mean that the due date is near. However, it does mean that there’s been significant change.
Soraya then asked about what changes would indicate that death was close. He mentioned getting a respiratory virus that would put her in the hospital would be a sign. He couldn’t tell her more information at the moment but promised that he would when he could, likely in around six months.
This heaviness has been felt in our home and in each of us. Times are changing we can’t stop it.
This week, it has been especially hard for Yasmeen. Soraya and Yasmeen’s relationship has been tumultuous at times – and now the two both feel added pressure to make amends before Soraya dies.
Whenever I think I can’t endure any more sadness, I then think about my children and how each of them has their own regrets and fears to carry.
There have been powerful conversations that have occurred out of these storms…
Yasmeen even allowed Soraya to read a book series by Tui Sutherland that she said Soraya never could several years ago… of course Soraya remembers this! So they turned a new leaf and now Yasmeen will read it to her.
I expect there will be more moments like this… highs and lows.